inkycapnip - InkyCapNip

Writing

Hi.

I don't know if you're real. I don't know if you're out there. I don't know if I should be directing this letter at myself. I don't know if these words could ever be about anyone else. There&

Poetry

Who are you?

Are you the girl who tenderly whispered that you would like to live by my side? Are you the maniac who tossed your head back laughing as sadness filled my eyes? Are you the woman whose radiant locks shone golden in the setting sun? Are you the boy who smiled

Updates

How it started vs How it's going

The start: 2025/04/22 Freedom Safety Connection Everything else may be transient I'm still in a phase of development Uncomfortable out of my element That probably means it's working Pleasure need not stay lurking The now: 2025/09/16

Poetry

I used to feel ashamed of this picture.

People would look at me with pity, but their kindness was nowhere to be seen. I turned from empty platitudes, seeking shelter through a screen. I stopped getting cat called at least, those same men now recoiled. I stopped hearing about how my beauty made me obnoxiously spoiled. Feeling unworthy

Poetry

Kitchen Table Notes

Esme A quick note. I leave you little notes On a messy kitchen table Just my daily thoughts Or rants about the stars. Your dawn is my good night And I live my life while you're asleep. So we scribble on a screen And speak our idle thoughts.

Writing

Dear younger me:

You don't know me, but I know you, though I've only recently gotten to a deep enough level to be able to understand you and the choices you have made. You'll never read this letter, though doing so would have changed the direction of

Writing

A letter I can't send

Dear mom: I miss you. It's so complicated, but right now that's the only thing I feel. The only thing I have space for. I want to cry, but I keep teetering on the edge. Admitting I love you feels like a bottomless pit I'

Drafts

I'm on a quest to find everything that has ever felt good, figuring out why it felt good, and integrating it into my life

If I was a dragon I'd live in a cave on a lumpy pile of gold. Every treasure is drenched in blood and it's hard to clean with such big, sharp claws. Too long, doesn't fit. Clearly, I must learn once again—to transform.

Poetry

By the time I clock off there's no more sunshine

Do you want to go to the beach? I'd like to take you there, with me. I guess that part was obvious. You can stay in my pocket for now. I'll take out a tripod and show you around. Will you appreciate the beauty I found?

Poetry

I want to say things to you

I want to hold you in my arms and tell you it will all be okay. And if it's not, then I will hold you through the storm and make it okay. And if I can't, then I will help you make it okay. And if

Writing

Cognitive Dissonance

The you in my head and the you in the flesh are entirely different people. But I can't speak to actions and intentions you refuse to tell me about. So this is what I am left with. I know you to be a violent person who would repeatedly

Functional Family

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

how could you say that to me? I have a really bad memory. He doesn't like to behave. He sifts and sieves through information I do not care about, but when it comes to everything I love, he turns into a steel trap. I still remember. The smell